Šala dneva (2)

[pokowc]

marsa, briši tale moj post tuki, ki je prazen

[soncek]

Serena in Venus Williams se po turnirju v slačilnici pogovarjata o uporabi drog v tenisu.

Serena zašepeta: "Mislim, da nama oče na skrivaj dodaja steroide!"

 

"Zakaj pa to misliš?", pravi Venus.

 

"Na nekaterih delih telesa, kjer do sedaj nisem imela dlak, so mi začele poganjati kocine", nekoliko osramočeno odvrne Serena.

 

"Kje pa?"

 

Serena: "Po jajcih!"

[soncek]

> Umro Suljo i otiso kod Boga....udje on kad ono soba

> puna satova.

> Sta je ovo?" pita Suljo.

> "Satovi", kaze Bog.

> "Vidim da su satovi, ali zasto ce vam ovoliki?"

> cudi se Suljo.

> "Vidis, svaki sat predstavlja jednu zemlju i kad

> neko nesto u njoj ukrade

> pomakne se kazaljka naprijed...

> Gleda Suljo, gleda, nigdje sata na kojem pise

> Bosna. "A gdje vam je sat za

> Bosnu?"

> "Eno ga u drugoj sobi sluzi nam ko ventilator

[soncek]

Vraca se Haso novim BMW-om iz Njemacke, pa mu pukne guma na zadnjem zavoju

prije njegovog sela. Izadje on van, uzme dizalicu i kljuc te stade mijenjati

gumu. Uto naidje Mujo pa ga pita:

- sto to radis Haso?

- Skidam gumu, kaze Haso.

Osvrne se Mujo oko sebe uzme veliki kamen i razbije staklo na BMW-u. Skoci

Haso pa drekne na njega:

- sto to radis, bolan, jesi normalan?

A Mujo ce nato: Haso dok ti skidas kotac ja cu izvadit radio!!!http://www.astrologija.org/forum/html/emoticons/stari/icon_smile_big.gif

[Marsa]

WAYS TO TURN MEN DOWN

 

 

HE: Can I buy you a drink?

SHE: Actually I'd rather have the money.

 

HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.

SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face likeyours.

 

HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?

SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

 

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?

SHE: I must've been given your share.

 

HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?

SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

 

HE: Your face must turn a few heads.

SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

 

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.

SHE: Okay, get out.

 

HE: I think I could make you very happy.

SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

 

HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?

SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

 

HE: Can I have your name?

SHE: Why? Don't you already have one?

 

HE: Shall we go see a movie?

SHE: I've already seen it.

 

HE: Where have you been all my life?

SHE: Hiding from you.

 

HE: Haven't I seen you some place before?

SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

 

HE: Is this seat empty?

SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

 

HE: So, what do you do for a living?

SHE: I'm a female impersonator.

 

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?

SHE: Do not enter.

 

HE: Your body is like a temple.

SHE: Sorry, there are no services today.

 

HE: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.

SHE: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

 

HE: Where have you been all my life?

SHE: Where I'll be the rest of your life - in your wildest dreams

 

 

Marsa

 

Vsakdo ima toliko pravic, kolikor ima moci. Latinski pregovor

[aakhut]

http://www.astrologija.org/forum/html/emoticons/stari/icon_smile_evil.gif

 

prevech intenzivno SHALJENJE ima lahko katastrofalne posledice...

transformacija v shalico

 

http://www.astrologija.org/forum/html/emoticons/stari/icon_smile_evil.gif ma vas rad

 

chasa ni...je samo prostor in situacija

[soncek]

Došao Mujo u vrtić po sina...

Pita ga vaspitačica: Koji je vaš?

Ma daj bilo kog, i onako ti ga sutra vraćam!

[pokowc]

marsa, briši tale moj post tuki, ki je prazen

[Marsa]

Sem pa mislila, fino, bom prebrala kaksen vic...

 

... v bistvu posteno, da je kar link, kao...

a se mi praviloma ne da zasrfat okoli... pa plug-ini... pa vse, pop-upi, ... ...

itak so pa vsi vici v glavnem ze 1000X slisani oz. povedani, tako da ni frke s kaksnimi kopiabjuzi...

 

Marsa

 

Vsakdo ima toliko pravic, kolikor ima moci. Latinski pregovor

[Pupika]

Janezek zadnji dan pouka prinese iz šole domov odlično spričevalo.

"Mami, za tako lepo spričevalo mi morata kupiti kolo!"

"Janezek, spričevalo je res lepo, toda kolo.... Ne vem, če bo očka za to. Vprašala ga bova, ko se vrne iz službe."

"Mami, če mi ne kupiš kolesa se pa hočem zvečer igrati s teboj mamico in očka! Sama izberi, kaj ti je ljubše."

Ko se je Janezkov oče vrnil domov, mu je žena povedala za otrokov ultimat. Oče nekaj časa premišljuje, potem pa reče:

"Veš kaj, kolo stane danes dvajset tisočakov. Ceneje bo, če se gresta zvečer igrat očka in mamico, pa bova prihranila denar."

Zvečer se je Janezek odpravil v spalnico, oče pa si je pripravil ležišče v dnevni sobi na kavču. Janezek se vleže vznak na posteljo, obe roki namesti pod glavo, nekaj časa gleda v strop, nato pa zavpije:

"Stara, jutri bova mulcu kupila kolo!" http://www.astrologija.org/forum/html/emoticons/stari/icon_smile_big.gif

[Pupika]

DEKLETOV DNEVNIK

Dekle potuje z avtostopom na morje. V njenem dnevniku je zapisano:

10. avgust:

Danes sem prepotovala 150 km z voznikom Volkswagna. Na

koncu poti je hotel imeti z menoj spolne odnose. Izstopila sem

in pes nadaljevala pot.

NOGE SO MOJE NAJBOLJSE PRIJATELJICE.

 

11. avgust:

Danes sem del poti prepotovala z voznikom Opla. Povabil me

je na kosilo, potem pa me je hotel posiliti. Izstopila sem in sla

pes. NOGE SO MOJE NAJBOLJSE PRIJATELJICE.

 

12. avgust:

S prijetnim mladeničem sem se peljala v sportnem

kabrioletu. Nisem izstopila. Vcasih morajo iti tudi najboljse

prijateljice narazen.

 

 

 

 

The Woman of today

- walks in Prada,

- wears Gucci,

- keeps time with a Cartier,

- drives a Mercedes

 

and

 

- thinks that Cooking and Fucking are two cities in China. http://www.astrologija.org/forum/html/emoticons/stari/icon_smile_wink.gif

[pokowc]

marsa, briši tale moj post tuki, ki je prazen

[coccinelle]

For all of you out there who've had to deal with an irate customer, this one is for you. It's a classic! An award should go to the United

Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

The agent replied, "I am sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?" Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone, "May I have your attention please," she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore "F*** You!". Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too".

[zirosi]

Nekega dne sta se sestala Bush in Drnovsek.

Nekaj se pogovarjata, potem pa se skregata.

Vsak gre v svojo državo.

Ko pride Drnovšek v Slovenijo naroči slovenski vojski naj napade New York.

Letala odletijo in ga zbombardirajo.

 

Drnovšek čaka, da bo Bush kaj rekel..

Čaka tri dni, a ni odgovora.

 

Poslje se enkrat letala, tokrat na Chicago.

Letala zbombardirajo, pridejo nazaj, a Bushovega odgovora ni.

 

Pošlje še enkrat letala, tokrat na Washington.

Spet nič odgovora.

 

Drnovšek se razjezi, pokliče Busha in ga vpraša zakaj

nič ne napade, saj mu ja on sesul tri glavna mesta.

Ta mu odgovori: 'A je pri vas na Slovaškem sploh se kdo živ?'

 

 

 

Uživajte!

[strelka]

Pokowc a hočeš, da me kap zadane?

[aakhut]

 

dve pichki sta skupaj zaprti v isti celici skoraj 15 let, pa se zgodi, da ju izpustijo na isti dan. in ti dve ubogi revi se napotita preko ceste v bife, da si lahko povesta vse do konca.... <_<

 

hudichek ma vas she zmeri rad

[pokowc]

jaa, ta pa je realna,nikey

[tauros]

Janezek vidi očeta piti pivo in ga vpraša, če lahko tudi on dobi en požirek. Oče ga pa vpraša: sine a se ti lahko z lulčkom dotakneš ritke? Janezek proba in pravi da ne gre. No potem si pa še premajhen mu reče oče. Čez kakšen mesec pa Janezek na 3x3 zadane glavni dobitek in ga oče zaprosi, če odstopi tudi njemu kakšen miljonček, da bo zamenjal avto. Janezek pa ga vpraša: oči a se ti lahko z lulčkom dotakneš ritke. Seveda lahko mu ponosno odvrne. No potem se pa jebi.

[pokowc]

wtf

[Volk K.L.]

Peder istetovirao traktor na penis. Prije seksa ga pita partner, zašto baš ružni traktor na taku lijepu stvar? Pa neču valjda mercedezom kroz govna.

[Mašinca]

Zenska reče:

> "Tu je takšen nered! Dajva,

> midva morava pospraviti.

> Tvoje stvari ležijo na tleh

> in če jih ne bova oprala takoj zdaj,

> boš jutri brez oblek."

>

> Moski pa sliši tole:

> "Bla, bla, bla, bla, DAJVA

> bla, bla, bla, MIDVA

> bla, bla, bla, bla NA TLEH

> bla, bla, bla, TAKOJ ZDAJ

> bla, bla, bla, bla, BREZ OBLEK."

>

[aakhut]

 

mashinca... :o|o: cool

 

ma vas rad

[Mašinca]

Starejši par je ležal v postelji. Mož je že skoraj zaspal, ženi pa se je zaželelo malo romantike.

 

Ona: "Ko si mi še dvoril, si me zvečer držal za roko."

 

Počasi se je obrnil, jo za sekundo prijel za roko, potem pa spet poskusil zaspati.

 

Čez nekaj sekund: "Potem si me poljubil."

 

Spet se je obrnil, jo poljubil na lička in se zavalil nazaj.

 

Čez pol minute: "Potem si me grizljal po vratu."

 

Tip jezno odgrne odejo in vstane.

 

Ona: "Kam greš?"

 

On: "Po zobe."

 

 

 

[Marsa]

 

 

RAZLIKA MED MOSKIM IN ZENSKO:

[Marsa]

Hearing so many people speaking ill about his intelligence level, George W.Bush decided to get his brain checked.

The physician diagnosis was:

- Mr. President, you have two brains, the left and the right, like all normal people.

But the problem is: in your left brain, there is nothing right and in your right brain, there is nothing left!